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Magazines

September 1st, 2006

Fléchelle

Men are as good as women require them to be.

Have you ever wondered why you fell madly in love with a man after a few dates? Have you ever found yourself desperately waiting for a phone call from a man after having been intimate with him? Have you had a love affair turn into an obsession?

According to the latest scientific research on the hormone oxytocin, our feelings of love and attraction might very well be fueled by our hormones rather than by our heart - or mind. Against our better judgment, many of us found ourselves in the wrong relationship with the wrong man because we thought that we were "in love" with him.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you endured rejection and deception on a regular basis from the man you loved? Were you ever in a dead-end relationship and wondered why a smart woman like you could not end it? Do you feel you lost the ability to choose the right mate to share in a loving and caring relationship?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you have felt the effects of oxytocin bonding. Scientist's studies show that oxytocin is a hormone, or more precisely a neuropeptide created in the pituitary gland that engender feelings of attachment in women through the action of touching, kissing, cuddling, etc. In brief, oxytocin is the culprit believed to be at the root of many women's choice for a mate.

Keeping the level of oxytocin as low as possible in your blood stream is of the utmost importance when you are at the stage of selecting a lifelong mate. Kissing, cuddling, and touching will release enough oxytocin in your blood stream and into your brain to make you think and feel you are in love with a man. Even a simple touch from him may excite your pituitary gland to produce and release this most wonderful "love drug."

When a woman's brain is under the powerful influence of oxytocin, she is at great risk to make the wrong choices in regards to men by not clearly seeing the "red flags." While under the influence of oxytocin, she may find herself in a relationship with a man who does not have any intentions in being married - at least not to her. Oxytocin can make an otherwise very intelligent woman neglect her needs for love and cherishment by becoming a smooth talker's booty call.

How can I protect myself from the pitfalls of oxytocin? The best way a woman can protect herself is by not engaging in any physical activities while dating. We have been conditioned to think that a man we are interested in will lose his interest toward us if we refuse to kiss him or be physically intimate with him after a few dates. This is a fallacy and a "good" man worthy of you and whom you will someday marry does not subscribe to these thoughts. If you need physical contact, it's okay to hold hands with your date - preferably across a solid object such as a table. Whatever you do, no couch sitting! A couch has a way to make people feel more amorous than they should.

You will find dating without physical contact to be very emotionally rewarding when men want to continue dating you even though you will not be physically intimate with them in return for their attention. I assure you that a serious man looking for a woman to have a lifetime relationship will gladly wait the time it will take for a woman to feel comfortable enough to make an informed decision about him and about his long-term potential as a future husband and father to her children. Keeping your head clear from the effects of oxytocin will allow you to make better decisions, and hopefully, the right decision in choosing a man as your lifelong love.

Remember, men are as good as women require them to be, so make this work to your advantage.

In the next edition, I will talk about the necessity of women's respect towards men - a misunderstood key element for a happy and stable relationship.

Fléchelle Morin is the author of the book “Kissing Or No Kissing; Whom Will You Save Your Kisses For? A Dating Guide To Creating Your Dreams.” You can send your questions by email at flechelle@nokissing.com.

For more on this subject or to learn more about Fléchelle and her dating philosophy, visit her website at www.nokissing.com

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