Magazines

September 1st, 2007

Fléchelle

Of Males And Men

"A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses." — Henry Louis Mencken

In my last article, I explained the reasons and the advantages of being on my "No Kissing Plan" while being on your quest to find a husband. In a previous article, I brought to light the bonding effects the release of oxytocin has on a woman's brain through the action of kissing and how it affect her choices in regards to her mate's selection. Now that you have these scientific facts, let us go over how you can win at the game of dating to marriage while protecting yourself from falling under the spell of oxytocin bonding.

Since you are a woman, a lovely creature to which men are attracted to, it won't be long for you to have the chance to put into practice what you will learn here today. Men's desire to kiss you is natural. The sound of your voice, the sight of your face, the subtle release of your female pheromones will have men want to be near you. Like an itch that needs to get scratched, men's desire to touch you, kiss you, and make you theirs is very powerful and will give them the stamina to pursue you and win you over. Favorably, men are designed to withstand your refusal to casual intimacy without any long-lasting damage.

Knowing all this, why would a woman be afraid to curb the advances of an eager man to act upon his natural instinct to reproduce? Instinctively, women know that they are the prize to a man's pursuit, so why would women fall under men's pressures to give up their precious self in order to "maybe" secure a relationship with a man?

Unfortunately, human beings are the only animals that will knowingly go against nature to do what they know they should not do, and because society tells women they need to "put out" in order to get a man in their life. This roundabout way of thinking does not insure that a woman will be in a relationship with a man who will love her, protect her, provide for her and cherish her. Society says that any man is better than no man at all. Do not settle for less. Aim for the best and the best you shall get.

Men are built to pursue and hunt long and hard before getting their prey. Giving yourself to men too soon will turn them into the whining and spoiled little boys you say you are tired of meeting and ultimately end up with. Here's the antidote to the little boy syndrome. Give men the chance to be men and do what they are meant to do. Upon hearing of your unwillingness to partake into casual intimacy, little whiny boys will fall off the side of the road leaving the real masculine men you want to be with in the running. Do not fool yourself, the men who will make you feel bad for not giving into their whims are plainly males; the men who will honor you instead of taking from you are men. Please do not confound males with men-easy to do in this day and age, hence why keeping your head clear from the effect of oxytocin is of the utmost importance.

How do you tell a man that you are not casual in your relationships with any man because you are looking for an everlasting mate, a husband who will look in the same life direction than you? Easy if you are convinced that it is really what you are looking for. If this is your true desire, then telling men "no" to casual intimacy will be a natural extension of yourself and will be very easy for you to do.

First, practice in front of a mirror by repeating these words: "John, I am so flattered that you are attracted to me enough to want to kiss me. Although I am also attracted to you, I have decided that I will not be casual in my relationships with men. I am looking for a husband and do not feel comfortable kissing a man I am not promised to. I hope you understand my feelings…"

This is all you have to say and repeat if not understood the first time around. Men are very smart and they know that if a woman kisses them she is theirs. Men (not males) will be charmed by your conviction to protect yourself until you find the man that will truly make you his and take all the responsibilities such an act entails. Males will be horror-struck by your inner strength and will go away. Good riddance!

I want for you to know that even real men sometimes will rebuff your female stance. Do not worry about this; it is just that men have been spoiled to get the goods too easy too soon. Even if a man you really like does not call you back after hearing of your needs to be honored in a relationship, know that if he is worth your beautiful, strong and smart self, he will be back. If he doesn't, someone else will. Let the best man win!

Take good care of your self and remember that men are as good as women require them to be.

Fléchelle Morin, relationship & dating specialist and motivational speaker, is the author of the book "Kissing Or No Kissing; Whom Will You Save Your Kisses For? A Dating Guide To Creating Your Dreams." You can send your questions or comments by email at flechelle@nokissing.com.

For more on this subject or to learn more about Fléchelle and her dating philosophy, visit her website at www.nokissing.com.